


The Library

by JadaBird



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Gen, Multi, Original Character(s), Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25704694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadaBird/pseuds/JadaBird
Summary: Ellie has her first run in with Joel one year after learning the truth about what really happened at St. Mary's Hospital. Oneshot set about a year before the main campaign of Part II. Rated M for language.
Relationships: Ellie & Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	The Library

**Author's Note:**

> After playing through Part 2, I was incredibly intrigued as to how Joel and Ellie's forgiveness arc would have played out. I personally don't think we saw enough of it in the actual game, so I've been writing my own scenes to compensate!
> 
> This is my first ever story. As such, I would really appreciate any feedback you could give me! Positive, negative, or something in between. All of it is very much welcomed and appreciated!
> 
> That's it for my ramblings. Enjoy! :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own The Last of Us or any of the characters contained within it. That's all Naughty Dog and Sony.

Ellie awoke to a pounding on her door. Her body shuddered violently as she came to, heart beating wildly in her chest. She immediately sat up and made a great raw gasp for air, desperate to fill her lungs with anything she could find to replace the water she was convinced had been suffocating her - drowning her - while she slept.

She blinked a few times as consciousness slowly washed over her, advancing and receding like waves at the beach. She had most certainly just emerged from a nightmare. However, the details of it were hazy; all she remembered is that it had been intense. It was one of those. 

Wrenching the sheets off herself, she forced her mind to focus on the sensations of reality rather than those lingering from her dreamscape. The pounding on her door was by far the easiest one to cling to. It was a near constant stream of knocks, bursts of them separated by a pause of only a couple seconds. Clearly, whoever it was urgently needed her. Or, they just got a kick out of pissing her off. Her first guess was Dina, probably coming to remind her to get her indolent ass up if she wanted to make it out to their patrol route on time. But when her stinging eyes finally adjusted to the stale air of her room rather than the undersides of her eyelids, she noticed that it was still dark outside of her window. It definitely wasn't time to get up yet. _What the hell is going on?_

Grunting in exertion, she flopped her stiff body out of bed. Her feet felt like cinder blocks beneath her as she trudged her way across the room. _Dina better have a damn good reason for this._ When she opened the door however, she was surprised to see that it was not her best friend, but rather Jesse who had interrupted her slumber. He stood awkwardly before her with his arms crossed, hands wedged under his armpits.

“What the hell are you doing here” she yawned, pawing at her eyes with one hand while the other rested on the door handle. “It’s not even light out yet.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” He scratched his head. “But I need a favor.”

She rolled her eyes. “Here we go.”

“It’s nothing major,” he said, holding his hand out in an attempt to dispel her hesitation. “Just wondering if we could switch out patrol shifts today.” 

She just looked at him for a moment, eyebrows furrowed. Her expression - and tone - clearly reflected the suspicions she held about his intentions. “You wanna take the morning shift?”

“Yep.” 

“Hmm,” she mused. “Does that have anything to do with the fact that Dina is also scheduled for that shift?” 

It was his turn to pause, a look of false innocence washing over his features. _Bingo._ “I’m sorry Jesse, but I’m not getting in the middle of your drama.”

“Ellie, hold on a second,” he urged, stepping forward as she made to slam the door in his face. But the asshole apparently had cat-like reflexes, because before she could properly shut it he had shoved his foot in the sliver of space between the door and the frame.

Shocked at both his speed and his gall, she gaped down at the steel-toe boot intruding into the threshold of her home. “Remove your foot, you idiot,” she growled.

“Just hear me out.”

Refusing to acknowledge his pleas, she pushed harder on the door. She hoped to inflict enough pain to convince him to turn around and abandon his quest. But he refused to give up, his boot remaining lodged in the tiny opening and not so much as a whimper escaping from his mouth. Jesse clearly wasn't messing around.

“This trade benefits you too,” he insisted.

“And how’s that?”

Through the four inch gap in the doorway, she saw him gesture towards her disheveled appearance. “Well, we both know you're not much of a morning person, and…”

“Oh my god,” she muttered under her breath, pushing harder still.

“Help a man out will you? I'm struggling here. She sees me coming and basically sprints the other way. This is the only way I could think of to get her to talk to me.” 

They had broken up for the gazillionth time just a few days prior. And Jesse - being himself - managed to hold out for only so long before crawling back to her on his hands and knees, begging for another chance. Or, at least he had tried. This time around, Dina decided to employ a new technique: actively ignoring him even when he spoke directly to her. _“Do you hear something, Ellie,”_ she’d ask facetiously. _“There’s definitely a noise but I just can’t make out what it is.”_ Since she was friends with the both of them, Ellie always felt uncomfortable being in the middle during the downs of their relationship. As such, she was secretly wishing for them to patch things up so things could return to their normal levels of teen angst.

She gave him a serious look, her lips set in a straight line and nose slightly scrunched. He mirrored her expression and stared deeply into her eyes as a last ditch effort to sway her opinion. After a few tense moments, she dropped her head in defeat and relaxed her force on the door.

“Thank you,” he gasped. He dragged his foot back from her doorway and started gingerly rolling his ankle around in small circles to work out the pain. The big baby.

“She’s gonna take her wrath out on me, you know.”

“I’ll make sure to tell her I manipulated you into it.”

“Wouldn't be the first time.”

“Right about that,” he chuckled, readjusting the placement of his backpack to sit more securely on his shoulders. Then, without turning away, he started walking backwards from her doorway. “Look Ellie, I gotta go, but I promise I’ll find some way to make it up to you later.” 

“Don't even think I won't hold you to that,” she said, pointing her index finger at him.

“I’d never dream of it,” he called back, flashing her a sly grin before taking off down the street.

She rolled her eyes at his retreating back before she saw him disappear around the corner. Then, she didn't waste any time catapulting herself back within the confines of her bed to catch a few more - hopefully dreamless - hours of sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

_God, it’s so fucking hot outside._

Ellie was coated in a thick layer of sweat, causing her jeans to uncomfortably stick to her slender legs as she plodded her way down the streets of Jackson. While the climate of the Wyoming countryside was usually quite moderate during the summer months, there would occasionally come days in which the heat would be utterly unbearable. This was, without a doubt, one of those days. _Fan-flipping-tastic,_ she thought as she continued on her trek through Hell. 

After Jesse left her house that morning, she slept for another four or so hours before reluctantly deciding to get up and face the world. She had taken her time getting ready, as her patrol shift would now start in mid-afternoon and extend well into the evening. Knowing full and well that she would be spending this particular morning alone - for her best friend Dina was out on patrol and her girlfriend Cat routinely slept until mid-afternoon (the lazy bitch) - Ellie decided to make the most responsible, albeit least enjoyable, use of her time: by taking care of the chores she had been putting off.

The hour earlier she spent cleaning up her pigsty of a house - or room more like, depending on your definition. For the past month, her daily routine had been to stop in her doorway before setting off in the morning, cast a quick glance over her shoulder at the mess she was leaving behind, and make a mental note to simply deal with it tomorrow. Except _tomorrow_ she would just get up and do the same thing over again; thus was the vicious cycle of procrastination. The cycle that ended today. 

She had turned on her walkman, inserted her earbuds, and got to work. With the music propelling her limbs forward, she quickly developed a rhythm, returning each item that had been laying haphazardly around her room to its rightful place. Before she knew it, the piles of clothes and trash that had been collecting for god only knows how long had dwindled down to nothingness. The experience was surprisingly enjoyable - so much so that after she had finished, she decided to take it even further by hanging a few of her favorite sketches on the walls. It was a measly stab at decoration, but the torn out pieces of wide-ruled notebook paper taped hastily to the space above her bed nevertheless suited her carefree style. And with that, the first item on her checklist of chores had been completed. 

Now, Ellie was on her way to the place in which her next item of business was to be conducted: the Jackson community library. 

Originally a dine-in mexican restaurant, the structure was repurposed by the founders of Jackson to house the community’s remarkably extensive collection of literary works in the first few years of development. Dwelling in the easternmost region of the settlement, it was approximately a ten minute walk from Ellie’s humble abode. The walk never bothered her, as she was always content to spend the time listening to her music and greeting those she passed along the way. Today, however, was a different story. Sweat had started rolling down her back the very moment she waltzed out of her front door, thus eliciting from her a frustrated groan - as well as an unintelligible string of profanities. She’d almost considered turning back after making it only about a hundred feet from her house, but Ellie was no wimp. Determined to complete her mission, she spurred her burning body forward.

Even though she gave him shit about it, she was thankful that Jesse asked her to swap shifts with him today. If she could barely manage the ten minute walk to the library, she didn't know how she’d have been able to swing a five hour patrol through treeless pastures. She just hoped that Dina wasn’t fantasizing about wringing her neck due to her involvement in this morning’s bait and switch. _Nah, Jesse’s probably got his shirt off already from the heat,_ she thought. _Hell, they could even be rolling around in a field somewhere making out._ She simultaneously laughed and grimaced at the images that suddenly came flooding through her mind, momentarily distracted from her physical discomfort. 

Luckily she didn't have to endure the pain for too much longer though, for the entrance of the library now stood only a few yards away. She almost cried out in relief. _Thank fucking god._ Without breaking stride, she skipped right up to the building’s double doors, grabbed both handles, and pulled them open with a practiced grace. A wall of frigid air whacked her in the face as she stepped into the library’s interior environment, finally free from the sweltering Wyoming summer heat.

The first thing her eyes landed on upon her entry was Zella: the middle-aged and slightly overweight woman sitting in a purple upholstered armchair behind the service counter. She looked up from the book she was evidently wrapped up in to regard whoever had disturbed the quiet stillness around her. Warm recognition washed over her features as her own gaze settled on Ellie’s. Zella was a soft-spoken and mild-mannered woman, the kind best suited for the position of librarian. Over the three years that Ellie had been living in Jackson, she had come into contact with the woman more times than she would care to admit. Even so, the two had only ever exchanged a handful of words with one another. Instead of verbal communication, the taciturn librarian preferred to acknowledge the presence of others via some combination of a head nod, a small smile, and a slight wave. It didn't bother Ellie. She didn't come to the library for social hour; she came for the books.

Today, it seemed she opted for the smile and head nod. Ellie returned the gesture with a small wave of her left hand, as her dominant one was momentarily occupied holding the book she wished to return. The very reason she had come to the library during her morning off. 

Continuing on past the front service counter, she started on down the winding maze of overstuffed bookcases. All around her, there were books. Tall piles of them lay in nearly every direction, the already massive amount of shelf space clearly not extensive enough to contain all of them. In fact, some of the shelves were so overloaded with the things that they started to bend downward in the middle due to the sheer weight of it all. But even in the library’s absurd immensity, somehow nearly all of the books housed there still received their fair share of use. No longer burdened by the constant need to survive at all costs, the people of Jackson were free to spend their time - while not protecting or otherwise aiding the community - enjoying none other than the simple pleasures in life. As such, things like literature, art, and music were once again important for those living on the favorable side of the walls encircling the town. However, for those living out in the wilds of post-pandemic America, the only value found in the pages of a book was that of keeping the campfire burning bright throughout the night. Due to the bleak nature of their existence, the occasional ragtag survivor wandering through these parts only had room in their packs for food and other items considered strictly survival-essential. They paid no mind to the books - and other forms of art and entertainment - left littered around in whatever areas they scavenged through; luckily for the people of Jackson, this left them absolutely ripe for the picking. Over the years, the town’s collection grew exponentially as books were constantly brought back from patrols of the surrounding area or traded off of the occasional party of travelers. Eventually, it became what it was today: a massive repertoire of knowledge spanning across any and all topics that the mind could reasonably conjure. 

She recalled bringing Cat here once, back when they had first started dating. Wanting so desperately to share a special piece of her heart that no one in her life - not even Riley - had ever truly understood before, she had basically grabbed the poor girl’s arm and dragged her limping body behind her down the aisles. But after only a few moments, it was clear in her rigid demeanor and unusual quietness that Cat was highly uncomfortable. _“This place just makes me feel claustrophobic,”_ she had mumbled, shuddering slightly. It's an understatement to say that Ellie had been taken aback by her reaction. She had always felt so at home while venturing between the towering walls of written language, almost as if they reached out and enveloped her in a warm embrace every time she drew near. In all honesty, if she had to pick her favorite place in the entire world, it would probably be sitting against one of the library’s many bookcases, her knees drawn up close to her chest and her nose stuffed between the pages of a riveting story. 

However, today she was not feeling any kind of warm embrace - in reality, quite the opposite. Goosebumps were breaking out all across her skin, sending a shiver down her spine. Something was definitely off. She had felt it the second she first walked into the building, but initially attributed it to the sudden change in temperature that her body had experienced upon entry. But the uneasy feeling nevertheless lingered as she trotted down the familiar path. She tried in vain to place what she felt was amiss, wondering if this was the claustrophobia that Cat had been referring to. In the end, she just brushed her discomfort aside, not really caring enough to expend the mental energy necessary to figure out what was causing it. That is, until it was standing right in front of her very eyes. 

Joel. 

His back was to her. He was firmly planted, in what someone else may have interpreted as a coincidence, directly in front of the exact column of shelves that she was heading for. But she knew better; this was not happenstance, not by a long shot. 

She abruptly froze in her place, a feeling of equal parts anger and shock flooding her senses. _Are you fucking kidding me?_ The thought alone that he was even within the confines of the library in the first place was enough to send her into a bewildered daze, as she had always imagined that the man had gone through his entire existence without ever once feeling the weight of a book in his hands. But for him to be specifically right here, in the science-fiction section no less… Well, it confirmed for Ellie that her worst suspicions were indeed true.

The gears rapidly started turning in her mind as she imagined the worst. Had he planned to ambush her here, in a place that he knew she so frequently visited? As she angrily scrutinized him from behind, she couldn't help but equate his posture with that of a desperate schemer, poised and ready to launch into a scripted plea in an effort to force himself back into her life. 

_How pathetic,_ she thought in disgust. _Corner me in the library of all fucking places. At least try to be creative about it, you stupid old fogey._

But after the passage of just a few more moments, she found that her evaluation of the scene before her was quickly transforming as she pushed her raging emotions aside in favor of objectivity and logic. Upon further consideration, the man actually looked quite relaxed as he explored the vast array of books in front of him. He wasn’t casting futile glances over his shoulder, nor was he creeping around the corner in eager anticipation of her arrival. In fact, no aspect of his innocuous appearance suggested that he had expected to bump into her there at all. 

He was just… looking at the books. _Her_ books.

She remained locked in place, confusion supplanting the rage she felt just moments before, as she turned the situation over in her mind. What the hell was he doing there, if not to ensnare her into a confrontation with him? She watched, mouth slightly agape, as he picked up the novels, inspected their covers, and set them back down on the shelves. He was completely unaware of her presence, apparently lost in the fictitious worlds he held in his fingertips. Like any seasoned reader would be. 

This was not his first time venturing around this section of the library. Far from it. The systematic way in which he picked through the collection in front of him told her that he was clearly a regular visitor. It had been over a year since she broke off their father-daughter relationship. While Jackson was considered a large community by apocalyptic standards, it was nevertheless a town in which avoiding certain people who regularly visited the same places as you did was an impossibility. So why was this the first time she was seeing him here?

 _Oh my god,_ she thought with a jolt. _He thinks I’m out on patrol right now._ Her swap with Jesse was so last minute that it almost certainly didn’t make it onto the master roster. In all likelihood, the only people that would know about it were the select few that were directly impacted by the change. And Joel certainly was not one of them.

She nearly gasped aloud as everything came into sharp focus in her mind. He must purposely plan to come at times that he knew, for certain, she wouldn’t be there. Out of fear of potential embarrassment perhaps? Or maybe it was his respect for her wishes to keep her distance from him? Regardless of the reasoning, she didn’t know what to make of it. 

She also didn’t know what to make of the strange sound that was now reverberating in her ears, a sound that was somehow both familiar and foreign all at once. A sound that had seemingly escaped from the very depths of her throat and was now disturbing the peaceful stillness of the environment around them. It was her voice.

“Thought you weren’t much of a reader.” 

Joel snapped his head to the side to look at her, a deer in the headlights if she’d ever seen one. He very clearly had not anticipated to see her here, considering the fact that his face was quite visibly turning a bright tint of cherry red even behind the semblance of cover that his facial hair provided. But in the time it took for him to blink twice, he had already recovered. 

“I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try my hand at it,” he responded with a shrug that made it seem like he was unconcerned with her presence. But she knew full and well that he was freaking the _fuck_ out on the inside, even if his complexion was currently returning to its normal shade. Out of morbid curiosity, she wanted to see if she could get him to crack. _You’re such an ass, Ellie._

“Hmm,” she sighed before sauntering over to where he stood. Not only had this been her first time verbally acknowledging his presence since she had discovered the truth about the Fireflies, but this was also the closest they had physically been to one another since that fateful day. He shifted his weight as she drew near, evidently at a loss as to how to carry himself with her now standing only about two feet away. _Haha, gotcha._

Fiddling with the hardcover in her hands, her eyes scanned the shelves before them as she attempted to find the place it belonged. It only took seconds for them to land on the spot in which she remembered grabbing it a week ago. Bending down slightly, she wedged the book between two others of similar size and stature. Once the thing had been returned to its home on the shelf, she reverted to her upright position and settled back on her heels. They both stood there awkwardly, opting to face the expansive wall of books rather than each other. 

Refusing to give him any physical indication of her intrigue, she resorted to glancing at him sneakily out of the corner of her eye. Even in the obstructed view of her periphery, it was now clear that she was making him uneasy. The few beads of sweat that had started to collect on his brow the moment she had first made her presence known were slowly starting to drop down the sides of his worn face. Furthermore, his posture was just about as stiff as she had ever seen it, arms hanging like planks of hardwood down by his sides. 

As she watched him askance, she couldn’t help but be intrigued at the absurdity of the situation. While he had always been supportive of her interests, Joel never understood her obsession with all things science fiction (and non-fiction, for that matter). So why did it appear that he now had developed a fascination with the very genre that he used to poke fun at her for enjoying? There must be some sort of ulterior motive. She thought back to when Tommy and him had come across a few issues of Savage Starlight while out on patrol the year before. It was clear to her back then that he had only skimmed them in a futile attempt to bridge the chasm that had slowly started growing between them. _Right,_ she thought sarcastically, the memories playing back in her mind’s eye. _As if flipping through a few fucking comics could ever have achieved such a thing._

So is that what this was then? Just another effort to improve their relationship? _No,_ she thought, _that wouldn’t make much sense._ They had no relationship anymore, so he wouldn't be gaining any brownie points in the Ellie department simply by reading a few of the books that she liked. Additionally, her theory that he scheduled his visits around the times he knew her to be out on patrol suggested that he likely hadn’t even wanted her to know he was coming here in the first place. So no, this was not an attempt at regaining her favor. This was something entirely different. 

And then all of the pieces clicked into place in her mind like a handful of magnets coming together on a hard surface. Perhaps this was him connecting with her in the only way that he possibly could - in a way that was incredibly intimate while also still respectful of the boundaries that she had set upon their separation. By reading her beloved books, and enjoying them simply because they made him think of her. _Not_ because they could help him gain an upper hand in relation to her.

Though it shouldn't have, and though she certainly did not want for it to, her heart sang at this revelation. No one, not a single person in her life, had ever displayed such tender care towards her. And much to her astonishment, it sparked in her a realization that if their roles had been reversed, she would be utilizing the same crafty methods to stay close with him in any way that she could. Because she cared for him just about as much as he cared for her.

And oh man, did that piss her off.

The calm composure she had sported throughout the encounter was starting to crack under the weight of her thoughts. There was a reason - a damn good one - that she had exiled him from her life. He had stolen from her the meaning of her entire existence. And then he lied about it. Reading some books about dinosaurs and astronauts did absolutely nothing to change that.

A large part of her - that spiteful, bitter part - wanted to find a way to refuse him access to this very special piece of her soul. This was her sanctuary, her self-proclaimed center of the universe. He had no right to invade the only place she had to escape the horrors of the real world and read through what she had long considered to be the blueprints of her heart. Indignation replacing all other feelings, she wanted in that moment to scream at him to leave and never return. But she held herself back, knowing that the attempt would only serve to paint her as a small child throwing a tantrum. Instead, she resigned herself to simply turn and walk away before doing anything she might regret later. After all, she had already accomplished what she came there to do. But before her legs could deliver her more than a few strides down the aisle, a small voice rang out to her over the chaos within her mind. She halted, trying to listen to what it was saying. 

It was a meek, timid voice. A scrawny little thing. But when she turned her inner ear towards that tiny sound echoing within her brain, she realized that it sounded more like her own voice than that other, louder snarl that demanded she reject anything that fundamentally connected him to her. So, she did something that she had sworn a year ago to never do again: she listened to her own voice instead. As that raging growl quieted to a whisper, she could finally hear what she had been trying to tell herself all along. That Joel was the only person in the entire world who had ever truly found entry in the modest little space within her heart. And that he likely was the only person who ever will again. She may have her faults with the man, and oh boy did she, but who was she to deny that they shared a bond that she feared she would never find in anyone else again. A bond that she had tried to find once in Riley, then again in both Cat and Dina - all to no avail.

She glanced her head around at him, and she saw that he was still deliberating over which book to choose. Sighing, she meandered over toward him once more. His posture returned to its slightly rigid state as she approached again. He cast her a peculiar side glance, curious as to what she was up to now. 

She once again bent down to inspect the lower shelves, but this time to pick up a book instead of putting one back. She fished this particular one out from the place she had been deliberately hiding it, a place where she knew for certain no one in their right mind would go poking about: lodged behind a small collection of advanced high school chemistry textbooks. She had wanted to mitigate other curious library wanderers from finding it and messing it up somehow. Or even worse: never returning it. But, for reasons unknown, these fears were currently absent from her mind. After giving it a once over in her hands, she sighed and turned her head to fully face him. He returned the movement. With a flick of her wrist, she nudged the book ever so slightly in his direction, all the while keeping her gaze locked on his.

“This one’s my favorite.” 

She knew she’d curse at herself for this later, but in that specific moment it just felt to her like the natural thing to do. The right thing to do.

He searched her eyes in befuddlement for what felt like a long time before casting his sight downward at the bright orange object that was extended towards him. In a slow movement, he took it in his calloused fingers with the utmost loving care. It almost appeared as if he feared it would simply disintegrate into thin air if he so much as held it too roughly. His grace was not lost on her. With a turn of his hand, he flipped the book around so as to inspect its back cover. A small smile broke out on his face as he examined what was clearly a fantastical tale about a space odyssey. The kind of story that was right up her alley. 

Ellie noticed that there was a glassiness to his eyes that hadn't been there before. “Thank you,” he said, the words somewhat catching in his throat. He had uttered them so softly, it almost sounded like a whisper.

She only nodded in response. 

Then, without another word, she rotated her body towards the exit and departed for real this time. And when she heard the slight sniffle behind her, she didn’t turn around to make sure all was well. She didn’t pause to give a parting nod to the quiet woman sitting in the padded throne behind the front counter. She didn’t even linger at the door out of her unquenchable desire to continue uncovering all of the mysteries of the universe contained within this single, magical building. Instead, she set her jaw and picked up her pace, antsy to return to the blistering heat outside.


End file.
